Burbank, California --Not quite recovered himself, not so much from the loss of the ‘The Tonight Show’ but of the friends he made out of the guests, co-workers and producers that appeared on it, perhaps it is befitting then that Conan O’Brien has reached out to an alienated alcoholic, nicotine-addicted male chimp named Zhora. A former entertainer of sorts himself in a traveling circus that roamed the Ukrainian countryside with gypsies, bringing smiles to the dirty faces of the impoverished children of nomadic tribesman in the radioactive shadow of Chernobyl.
“You see,” said Conan O’Brien in a webcam plea from his kid’s playhouse in his Beverly Hills backyard, asking the Russian rehab facility that is currently treating the chimp, if he can adopt him. “I know what it is like to have lost a career recently, and I really, really miss that. But what I miss even more is the friends that I made while practicing my profession.”
Conan O’Brien then gave a tour of the children’s playhouse he was streaming his show on the web from. Showing off still photographs of his friends that he hung on the walls. Friends that he so dearly missed: ‘Robo Pimp’, ‘The Masturbating Bear’ and ‘Triumph’ the Comic Insult Dog, just to mention a few.
“Ah, here’s a photo of one I miss the most,” said Conan O’Brien visibly shaken by the touching sentiments scrawled on the bottom of the autographed glossy black and white image of ‘Triumph’ the Comic Insult Dog. The caption underneath reading: ‘Here’s to Conan…for me to poop on!’
“Truly, ‘Triumph’ the Comic Insult Dog was this man’s best friend,” said Conan O’Brien, wiping away a tear as he spoke. Then looking directly into the webcam he added, poker faced: “And what a ratings getter too.”
Conan O’Brien then sat back down onto his bright plastic pink child’s chair that was to small for him, adjusting the webcam as he wiggled his way back into it. And lifting up a black attaché case, placing it onto the white plastic table before him that had blue, yellow and orange flower stickers on it, he smiled sinisterly, as he slowly opened it up, revealing stacks of money contained in it.
“That’s right,” said Conan O’Brien, his voice sounding demonstratively villainous. “They’re all Benjamin’s, six columns wide, three rows tall and six inches deep…Now gentlemen…tell me. Do I have a producer for my new ‘Twitter’ show, or not?”
Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo
