Washington, D.C. --Hey kids, remember ‘I’m Just a Bill’? That cute adorable rolled up talking piece of unsigned legislative parchment from those two-minute animated ‘Schoolhouse Rock!’ short features that aired in-between Saturday morning cartoons on ABC in the early 1970s to the early 1980s that educated you on subjects of grammar, science, economic, history, mathematics and civics better than your teachers ever did? Well he’s back! But this time he is no longer melancholy. Nope. He’s pissed off!
“Hi kids!” says ‘I’m Just a Bill’ in the opening scene of the new ‘School House Rock!’ video as he sits on the steps of Congress as Congressman and women pass him by, ignoring him. “Yup I’m still here. After all these years, right where you left me last. Still waiting to be signed so healthcare reform can finally become the law of the land, providing Americans with health insurance, even a public option like Obama promised in his campaign and again on ‘YouTube’ after he was elected. Yeah, I know, it’s hard to believe that I know about ‘YouTube’ I’m so old. But not too old that I haven’t finally seen the light and mended my arrant ways.”
Dog-eared parchment turning yellow with his patriotic red, white and blue ribbon tied around his waist anchored by his name tag ‘Bill’ faded, ‘I’m Just a Bill’ that sits on Capitol Hill not only looked his age, but the consequences of years of healthcare neglect as he attempted to mask his ocular disease behind dark shaded sunglasses, but his white cane with a red stripe on the bottom tip of it betrays him.
“I bet y’all are grown up now and with kids of your own too,” continued ‘I’m Just a Bill’ as he struggled to rise to his feet using his cane to assist him. “Oh, I don’t need any of your help now. You see this cane here is not for tapping the sidewalk but for helping me get up. I got it back when Medicare was still paying for ‘tings that old folks like me needed. See, I was a Socialist back then and didn’t know any better. But now I do. In fact, I’m going to throw away these symbols of oppression that robs me of my independence and dignity. Right here and now.”
Slowly a crowd of Republican and Blue Dog Democrats Senators and Congressman stopped and gathered in a circle around ‘I’m Just a Bill’ to listen to his sidewalk sermon of conservative conversion to fiscal responsibility.
“In fact, I don’t need these taxpayer subsidized subscription eyeglass neither,” said ‘I’m Just a Bill’ on a roll, as took off his eyeshades, throwing them to the ground alongside his white red striped cane. The crowd of conservatives let out a cheer. But then quickly recoiled in horror at the sight of the thick foggy gray cataract membrane that coated ‘I’m Just a Bill’s’ eyes. “Yeah, I knows I’m not a pretty sight to look at, but I’m a free man.”
The crowd of Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats applauded.
“See, I’ve changed,” said ‘I’m just a Bill’ with his arms wide-open, expecting to be embraced by the compassionate conservatives. “Now will you sign my forehead, making me into a law?”
The crowd of Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats looked around among themselves as if silently debating their individual conscience. They were about to give their answer when they all received a text message alert warning them that ‘I’m Just a Bill’ was a suspected lobbyist working for the people. Then looking up from their BlackBerries, cell phones and pagers shouted out in unison: “No!”
“God damn it!” said ‘I’m Just a Bill’ in his frustration. “Sorry kids, and not about my French neither. I’m sorry you and your children aren’t getting any healthcare or healthcare reform from your dully-elected representatives you deserve. Maybe next time when the Democrats are in the White House again and control both Houses of Congress with a filibuster proof supermajority.”
‘I’m Just a Bill’ then returned to occupying the steps of Congress, his portion of marble where he sat polished with wear.
“For I’m Just a Healthcare Bill,” ‘I’m Just a Bill’ resumed signing to himself as members of Congress shuffled by him again oblivious to his existence, purpose and urgent need. “Stuck up here on Capitol Hill.”
Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo
