Incorrect Knee
Speaks Out
Hollywood, California --"I apologize," said Maks, Kirstie Alley’s partner on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ as he appeared on ‘Good Morning America’ (GMA) attempting to explain what happened during last night's performance in which his knee gave out while trying to carry a portion of Alley’s Rubenesque [big beautiful woman] body across the stage. "It was all my fault. It was my knee. It gave out for no apparent reason. Totally unrelated to Kirstie’s weight. Totally, unrelated."
As the camera paned down for a close up of Maks’ bandaged knee, a muffled voice came from under the first aid wrappings.
"What was that?" asked George Stephanopoulos the GMA reporter conducting the interview live during a national broadcast.
"What was what?" replied a visibly shaken Maks, while placing his hands over his wounded knee.
"That voice," continued George. "Is it…is it coming from your knee?"
"Yes! Yes!" said the knee. "It is me, Maks’ knee, speaking. Listen. I have something to say about last night. Interview me! Interview me!"
"Well, America," said a smiling George Stephanopoulos with tongue-n-cheek as he addressed the camera directly. "I guess we might as well get the story straight from the horse’s mouth."
"May I interview your knee?" George Stephanopoulos asked Maks.
A somewhat reluctant Maks agreed, slowly unwrapping his knee.
"I guess," Maks sighed. "But I warn you. His views are very politically incorrect, which I do not share."
"Don’t worry," George Stephanopoulos reassuringly said to Maks. "America won’t hold you responsible."
"Oh boy, that feels much better," said an unwrapped Maks’ knee as he motioned for a cigarette.
Maks complied and placed a lit cigarette on the end of the lips of his knee.
After taking a few drags and blowing out the smoke, the knee resumed with the interview.
"I’ll tell you what happened last night, George," said the knee as Maks shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Backstage before the show, I begged Maks not to go through with the dance routine because I knew there was no way I could take Kirstie Alley’s weight on me. She weakened me all through rehearsals."
The talking knee paused again, motioning for his cigarette.
"Let me get this straight," asked a defensive George Stephanopoulos using a surprised voice inflection to convey his personal dissatisfaction to the studio and viewing audience, making certain to distance himself from the knee’s controversial statements. "Are you saying that Kirstie Alley’s weight had something to do with last night’s incident?"
Blowing out smoke again, the knee continued with the interview.
"Yes!" said the unrepentant knee. "You saw the video. When I was carrying Kirstie Alley across the ballroom floor, I trembled, buckled and then gave out. Right there on national TV."
"But surely you’re not blaming Kirstie Alley’s weight, are you?" asked George Stephanopoulos not so much giving the knee an opportunity to recant by basically repeating the question expecting a different answer or clarification as much as giving himself the appearance of impartiality.
"What’s wrong with you, George?’ replied the knee in between drags. "Are you deaf as well as short? Or should I say Height Impaired? Or is it Height Challenged?"
George Stephanopoulos attempted to interrupt the knee, but it went on and on.
"There should be a weight limit. Or at least a weight classification," continued the knee. "Like they have in boxing. They wouldn’t have matched a lightweight like me with a heavyweight like her. You know what I mean?"
Suddenly, Maks wraps the first aid bandage around his knee again.
Somewhat inaudible muffled racial epitaphs could barely be made out as Maks rolled down his trousers over his knee and limped away.
Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W, Armijo. All rights reserved.
